Kaleidescope

Happy 3rd Saturday of 2016! Please enjoy today's post.

The road turns as does the picture
Every choice, a nuance
Every moment, a fractal
The picture
Will never again
Be what it was before
Now is now
Always new
Staying in the past is like
Asking your wings
Dry and strong
To fold up
Hold up
While you figure out
What you're trying to be
Reflection is good sometimes
But you've got flying to do
Hills
Valleys
Mountains
Water fountains
Dancing with the air
Every beat of the heart
Of the wing
Creates a new thing
And the old will never be
Again

With words, songs, and prayers,
Tiffany V

Or You Won't & You Won't

Happy Saturday Post!

You'll do the work
And reap the lesson
Or you won't & you won't
Perhaps I'm just guessing

I'll go through the fire
And celebrate getting through
Or I won't & I won't
And my growth won't prove

You'll walk the walk
And earn the respect
Or you won't & you won't
Poignantly reflect

I'll push myself
And lose or gain "it"
Or I won't & I won't
No point in complaining

This year (for me) is about saying less, but letting my actions speak more. I don't want the #socmed accolades. I want the glory of 2016 to be stronger relationships (old and new) and personal moments that make me glow inside.

With words, song & prayer,
Tiffany V

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany V.

Consider the Dragonfly

Happy New Year! 

In lieu of a Saturday Post, here is a New Years promise, kept and keeping.

You rarely hear dragonflies 

Coming or going

Resting or moving

Not unless they are very close

Intimately close

Their song

Scary as the portents of

a new year
a new choice
a new life

Amazing

And unapologetic

For being

Quiet OR beautiful

They don't talk mess about 

how bam is their glam

No need for marketing

They don't puff up

They just show up

fly

be beautiful 

As they are

Don't need a billboard

to label them

beautiful

Their wings

Don't need

a million

Social media fans

Don't need merch buying followers

to increase their value

or premium

make them relevant

make them stronger

Don't need to be anywhere

Because they are

In front

On the sides

Behind

Beneath

Holding it up

Holding it down

Loud as the truth is scary

With barely any sound at all

They are free

to be heard

or ignored

Have you ever?

Let's do the dang thing. It's 2016.​

With the Old and the New

Goodbye 2015, here is a post to consider on the way out!


This 1

Blackbird
Bluest Eye
Bone straight hair
Skinny thigh
This is not I
This is part I
This in part I
This impart I
Winged creature fly
Dragon
Fly
Dragonfly
This is I
This is why

One of the good parts of 2015 - one of the lessons...

 ***

 This 2

This is the time

To sit, to sip

To look, to listen

This is the space

For pondering, for dancing

For writing, for singing

This is the joy

Loving, giving

Hoping, living

This is the work

The owning, the learning

The changing, the earning

Thank you for the trip 2015!

***

With words, song & prayer
Tiffany V

2015's Last Few

Looking forward by looking back, Happy Saturday Post to you!

2015 Can Go

This was the hardest year
I've overcome
In my life so far
I learned some things
About myself
I learned some things
About others
I have to own
Mine
I have defend
My own
Soul
Pruning
Training
Shining
So
Sometimes
I have to ask for help
Asking for clarification is ok too
But sometimes
things just won't get clear
Control is for certain
Times and places
my personal space
the peace of my home
the people I let affect my choices
Some things
I will never understand
Some people
Will flip the script
Mid-sentence
It's my job to live
The nobility I claim
And the learning does not stop
Not until
My last breath
Still breathing
Yep

My biggest lesson of this year - 

forgiveness and peace.

Without them, 

I am a fool and lyin' to myself.

With words, song and prayer,
Tiffany V

Hearing the Voice of the Heart

Wishing you all the Happiest of Holidays, here's a Saturday Post!

I hate that man like the very gates of death who says one thing but hides another in his heart. - The Iliad

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks... - The Bible

The holiday season is a great time to consider the rain and the symbol of cleansing that comes with it. Let's consider expelling the poison that may be within us. Let's consider that we all are fragile in the snow with no cover. Let's consider we often pretend to be Hercules, when really we are Tiny Tim without the crutch.

"...She has them believing that poor old ape with the twisted foot is a satyr. Illusions, deceptions, mirages!" - The Last Unicorn

Considering the idea of authenticity, it makes me wonder how many people don't know what is actually in their own hearts. And because they don't investigate, they act contrary to their own soul on a detrimentally regular basis.

I was that person, I worked for and with that person. I dated that person. Once I punched that person in the gut - but I was nine, and have learned telling someone the truth can be WAY more fulfilling (or devastating) that physical violence.

This morning as I was preparing this post, I received an email from someone in high school. He wasn't my favorite person. But he said he saw in me a beautiful soul. I thought that (at that time in my life) I couldn't be my own self. I had to wear the multi-socks, the cross gear-- be this thing that really couldn't explain me or be explained by me. I, like him, did stupid things in that time, but don't we all?

His regret for who he was makes me think that he, sometime in the not too recent past, saw his heart (or maybe I'm just being an artistic chick about it). Referring to the first two quotes, my point is whether your heart is hidden by your performance of self or worn on your sleeve, it will speak. Will I hear it in the midst of my spinning? Will you listen when it says something? Will we do the work?

Peter Beagle via Schmendrick the magician said, "It is a rare man who is taken for what he truly is." I use to think he said, "It is a rare man mistaken for who he truly is." I don't know whose phrase I like better, haha.

Your cross is not mine to bear. Neither is mine yours. Love, when true, can hurt like the deepest torture dungeon in hell. It can also put gold in your wings and bear you up to the stars. It takes bravery to engage and begin. So (in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice) the question remains -

"What's in your [heart]?

I'm such a goofball.

Merry Christmas,
Tiffany V

Pme and Qme in conversation

P.S. Did you read the latest review for Ugly Drawers, Pretty Panties? If not click here!

Be sure to order your copies before Christmas so your friends can get their gifts on time!

Thank Rafiki

Hey y'all! Happy Saturday! Here's a post for ya.

How this...

© November 2015 - Thanks Rafiki

turned into this...

© November 2015 - That Turkey is Smokin'

tells me that God is real, and that the Lion King Turkey Blessing works!

Seriously, I thank you all for the amazing support and love throughout the year.

2015 has been a year of reaping. 

Some things bloomed beautiful,

some things passed on,

and many things went

into a new phase.

A word of caution,

and a promise

none of us gets out of this alive

So enjoy the turkey

and run this race to win

With words, song & prayer
Tiffany V

Body Fiction 3

Happy Saturday Post - I'm thankful for the life I've been given, and the stories I've been asked to post between now and the end of the year. Stay tuned! 

Meanwhile...

***

Six Separate Thoughts - Part III

My scars are my best friend and painfully we show

He waits- a gentleman with outstretched hand

On display broken, seething bloody glow

My pride is a garment of sifting sand

He stands to the side while I flail about

For the storm to peter out

He laughs at my rage when I move as if solo

The lines within which I am free court cliffs

His correction abrupt when I push past where to go

Under my shoulder he helps my missteps

We argue over ownership
Kingdoms via bodies and lips

It's lonely in the space of justified anger
How dare he prove and show my lack
In this way emotions can not linger
I was untethered 'til he pulled me back

His loving acceptance a lighthouse at sea
Returning home, not yet free

He massages my foot like he's invoking a shaman's spell
As if my deformation is his most prized possession
His thumbs are the lovers of my arches, ankles, heels
The somehow lost wholeness he calls to attention

And I can march to the tune of his love
My limp is a hitch kick on hold

He asks me to waltz knowing I won't really do well
As if my lacking dancer is somehow in session
He takes my wrists- holding smoke and steel
Touch whispers fly while my soul screams broken

From here to heaven I don't dare fly
His caress dreams that I try

***

For Seddy Bear - with three more to go before the end of November.

With words, song & prayer,
Tiffany Vakilian

© 2015 Highlight Video Productions

Off the Grid

From the island paradise - a Saturday Post!

For Tabby
It takes work - real work
To live in peace
It takes pushing and pulling
Tugging and tagging
Learning
To be healthy
From tent to mansion
From pipe to rain
It takes work - real work
To be free

I find myself in subtler and subtler shackles
This size
This food
This mindset
To cry or laugh
And to get up
Say, "yes, it was my fault"
Say, "yes, I was wrong"
To mispell on purpose
To bad grammar knowingly
It takes work - real work
To love without limitations

How freeing it is
To judge myself
To carry that check-double-check
As I prepare for takeoff
These wings are unfettered
But weighted
Because it takes work - real work
To be responsible
To my heart
To my art
To my journey
To my legacy

I've never seen true sustainable living until I saw what I saw in Kurtistown, HI. I am humbled and inspired by the life of my spiritual sister and home-chic. We laughed like we never met in Kingman, but grew up in each other's houses. Having a deep friendship like that is a greater blessing that any high paying job or fully modernized mansion. I salute you girl... can I have some more stuffed peppers and iron sharpening?

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

A Royal Daughter

Had she been my own daughter, I couldn't be more proud of the woman she has become. I wish to honor her today.

I have
A good friend V
Standing strong
In the face of sorrow
And conflict
In the same
Situation
-I did not stand so
Bravely
She humbles me

She asked previously
For advice
About her situation
And after referring up
I told her
The best advice I could
"Walk out your royalty"
She did
-In the same situation
Shaped for myself
I did not

Kudos to my friend
Of whom
I am most proud
She is a living epistle
A post-it note
For my soul
A beautiful heart
Showing love
In a
Somewhat
Or Seriously
Unloving situation
I bow.

With words, song & prayer,
TiMo

Water Dream III

***Another dream of water***

I was at home with Biscuit, my dachshund. We lived on beachfront property in California, which afforded us spectacular views I assume. The light outside the house told me it was about 4ish, so I figure I was winding down my day, waiting for my husband to come home. I was writing and playing with the dog when the day became oddly darker.

I went to the back of the house, which faced the beach. Beautiful latte colored clouds were outside, casting an ethereal grey-gold tint to the sky and water. I became aware that the beach was strange somehow. Not empty of people, but still odd and and quiet. I thought to myself, Okay Lord, is it today? But God was silent, and the sea and sky would not answer. I just stared out, afraid to look, and afraid to stop. The tides were off. I didn't go into our small cement back yard, but I noticed that the water came up to the sand at the bottom of the wall before receding. In my dream mind, I considered the movie Deep Impact where the girl and her father stood on the beach waiting for the wave to take them. 

God didn't have to say a word. 

I knew it was coming, I just didn't know if I had seconds or minutes before it arrived. I went to the front of the house for some reason, when a chill ran through me, and I dashed back see what was happening on the beach. Darkness walked towards the coast from the horizon, and I was about to turn and call Tony when I noticed there was no water on the beach, only a shadowy wall that I knew to be a tidal wave.

It hit, and then receded. My windows didn't crack or break, and Biscuit was cool as he always is. The water was slate and salt and I knew the house was submerged because there were no bubbles. I didn't think about it at the time, but the windows in my house must have all been closed. I ran to the front of the house, waiting for the impending wall of water to claim me and all that was in the house. But the waters receded. I turned to face the rear windows, and the resting water was just at the top of my backyard mini-wall. I tried to escape via the front of the house at that point (silly child) and getting Biscuit past our metal fence was enough of a challenge that I picked him up. I knew another wave was coming and we didn't have much time, so I went back into the house.

Once again, the tidal wave exploded against us. Once again, the water was over the home. And once again the waters receded and I was safe. Shortly after this, mountains of garbage came towards our broken levy of a coast. People were outside looking and commenting on the state of our ocean. I wanted to laugh, and I wanted to scream at them for being stupid and unsafe, but I wasn't about to open my windows. The tidal wave of trash is what knocked my home off of it's foundation and pushed it through the city. We rocked in our house-sized crib all the way downtown...

The dream jumped to the next scene, where I was with my husband in his work-building. There were no windows. His supervisor wanted him to explain why we were going a certain way, but this really heavyset guy with ashy blond curls turning into dreads stood there in sandals, socks, cargo shorts and a tie-dye rainbow t-shirt interrupting him, letting him know that he knew we were saved and wanted to take us to get some water.

That's when I woke up.

*** *** ***

Subliminal response to my life or prophetic dream warning... what do you think?

With words, song & prayer, TiMo

What Andrew Learned from the Marines

Just found this... considering the recent holiday I thought I'd share...

Andrew is still teaching

The Few, the Proud..

Throughout my life, I have had the honor of having my life shaped by military life, specifically the United States Marine Corps. From my humble beginnings, in the inner city of Baltimore, Md., to my current assignment... at every level and stage, my life has been shaped, molded and impacted by the Marines.

I attribute much of what I have learned about honor, character, excellence, leadership and life to the Marines. It is these valuable “Life Lessons” I would like to pass on to you, to the end that you might be able to “sharpen your axe”, and be more productive, effective and excellent in life.

• Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance
• Good Initiative, Bad Judgement
• Always Be Prepared
• Honor the Rank, Not the Person
• Correct in Private, Reward in Public
• Efficiency vs Effective
• 5W’s and an H 

Ever the teacher-mentor. Love you Drew.

With words, song & prayer, TiMo

Andrew and Yours Truly, 2009

May 12th at 2:05am I Journaled..

Yesterday I woke up with the word FAST tattooed and blinking on my thoughts. It wasn't "hmmm, should I fast?” or "I should fast for a week… starting two days from now…” It was like a solar key chain with the work “FAST” blinking in grayscale, and pulsing from front to back of my waking thoughts.

I sent a text to a group of people I knew would understand the random, yet severe nature of my missive. It read:

​Good morning... apologies if it is too early. I woke up with the check in my spirit to FAST today. For those of you who can join me please do. I won't be on Facebook and I'm also fasting all food but water until sundown. I don't know whose battle I'm addressing, but I say, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening."

If you can't fast, please join your prayers with mine that the Lord's will be done, and that His victory bring great honor to Himself and His children,  shutting the mouths of the disbelievers as it did the lions in the den with Daniel. I'll be meditating on/in the books of Samuel.

God bless you all, and feel free to forward and ask others to join in if you feel led to.

I will be forever humbled that I heard and obeyed the call to fast, and was a part of the battle that took place on 5/11/15 – one month to the day that Andrew collapsed in Costa Rica.

Early in the day, the doctors were concerned because his heartbeat and blood pressure were too low, while the cranial pressure was too high. At 1:38pm, Mom sent a Voxer message – my brother Andrew flatlined, but they resuscitated him.

My brother called me shortly after Mom’s message, and he and I prayed together.

God spoke to me yesterday in the waking hour, and I listened. I am His. And He is mine. I know His voice. And He knows me. Many women prayed with me via text and individually. The wife of my pastor and a friend of mine in the American South also fasted with me. We kept the prayers going all day. There was even a point where I made up a song refrain. I suspect it will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Thank God for the people who sent loving words, scriptures, made calls, and prayed – and a doubly portion to those who continue to. I know that Andrew is playing with Moses right now!

I felt him whip a hug around my heart about 20 or so minutes before I got the news... It hurts, and I'll miss him, but I know where he is, and who he is with. I truly love my big brother. That gives me great peace.

Andrew Richard Beard

June 26, 1972 - May 12, 2015

My big brother, such a dork sometimes…
© Tiffany Monique 2009

With words, song & prayer,
TiMo

2011 Remindering

Inspired by Miri G, and dedicated to her, because sometimes you just have to take a moment and play hide and seek with the words inside you.

Miri is one of the many brilliantes I met at my Goddard Spring Residency in 2011. She is part of the group of people in my life that, like me, share a love of letter writing. This art is something that is falling away, in light of the ease and speed of the digital communication all around us. Miri is one who writes longhand cursive with clipped curves, and excited punctuation. I truly enjoy not only what she writes, but the physical expression of her mind on paper. Each curve and line is a hug (she also doodles in the corners, so I get the fun aspect of her art imagery and art text). It is a long slow process, and I love it. Found this in my archives and thought I'd remind her... 

For Dearie Miri

As if a wind blew softly

and a leaf on the wind landed 

dancing

on the still water surface of my heart

I guess I heard the ping in you

I see you know this

The gentle ripple of love in my “good morning' to your story

to your poetry

to your words

to your own internal phoenix fire

resting patiently under the still water surface

of you

How quiet it is

how expectant

pregnant with a destiny that is

on the surface

unknown

but underneath,

fully engaged

With words, song and prayer,
TiMo

Pampered

Hello there! Here's your Saturday post!

We came together simply for food and wine 

But then we began to tell our stories

And it tasted so good

Like pretzels in warm dip

We healed each other

Helped each other

Enjoyed each other

We brought each our own grown up girl-child magic

And by God we changed each other

Our woman-ness filled the room decadently

Like chocolate S'mores cake

It was a rite we performed

We swam together in the river beneath the river

Where our souls resided

First as individuals

And then together

We feasted on the beauty of our femininity

And became light headed on our connection

It was not the wine

It was the feral nature of ourselves to nurture one another

And oh how we did

We went skinny dipping in our stories

Naked to one another

And through our giving of personal poetry

We gave strength to ourselves

Or at least I felt it within me

And it was most satisfying

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I'd like to dedicate the above words to the ladies I met at Ashley's Pampered Chef Party.

We all went there with different agendas, but we were well met. We pinged each other to within an inch of sanity, and laughed the whole way! Thank you for waving your ugly drawers and pretty panties about, and sharing your stories with me. May God bless you all greatly for your present of presence and your words.

I am also humbly thankful to my sister in law, who made me go.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

With words, song and prayer,

TiMo

Raw Man Review

From the loving comfort of home, here's your Saturday Post!

Read the Examiner Review of Raw Man here.

Fred lived it and then wrote about it. I read it, and it informed me on many levels. My family started conversations and told each other stories about what we remember from our childhood.

I said in my review, "He hasn’t won any awards for writing, but I suspect he will." More than that, I hope he does. Here is my review of Raw Man.  I hope you, and many more people read his book.

Check out his website as well -- www.rawmanthebook.com.



With words, song and prayer,
TiMo
Here's where you can read me
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Too strong to bind...

Hey! Here's your Saturday Post!

There really is nothing new under the sun
too strong to bind
you'll find... these preconceived notions
of beauty
of language
of danger and fear

There really is nothing new under the sun
too strong to bind
you'll find... these preconceived notions
of intellect
of communication
of security

this idea is unfinished... 

With words, song & prayer, TiMo
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Onward Looking

© Tiffany Monique February 2014

How Much?

With much joy, here is this week's Saturday Post:

For Tony Vakilian 7/27/14 and 11/1/14

© Tiffany Monique

With words, song & prayer, TiMo
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Onward Looking

© Tiffany Monique February 2014

A Sonnet of Anticipation

Good day! Here is this Saturday's post!

Notice of late, anticipation
Predictability's fair muse
To move in sync ahead of pulsations
And still managing to slide the groove
Grimace when you're out of step
Intending to be right on course
Glow even as your voice is left
Sold to highest bidder - popularity's whore
It is not easy on the fly
Slipping in to follow suit
Everyone uniquely alike
Despite the war and search for truth
Learn the steps and do the dance
Yet take your solos at each appropriate chance

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo
Here's where you can read me:
www.alwaysalreadyalright.com 
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

dry souls II

Good day to you! Here is this Saturday's post!

Daley Ranch © Tiffany Monique
January 2014

"Yes dry souls do all of those things but why to they do those things?"

Fear I think, moves the beauty from a journey
Making it desolate
a dry soul wanders in the desolate plains
of cynicism and hurt and perhaps fear of being hurt again

Hurt I think, disables the soul from proper travel
Making it root
a dry soul unable to move to the waters of life
of forgiveness, of true rest, a perhaps hope of engaging joy

I was a dry soul once, afraid and hurt
Why did I do the things I did then?
Thank God someone brought me water
told me to forgive them and then
the harder work of forgive myself
releasing in the loving, painful pushes
every blood-lined wrinkle

And for my pain and work
my soul is not dead
my soul is not dry
I take every pain and joy with all their weight
and remember my dry days
so that I never - even when living in a desert
live the death that is life as a dry soul

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo
Here's where you can read me:
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

© Tiffany Monique
Montpelier, VT 2011