Go After that Thing

For the singers battling their own voices - here is a Saturday Post!

Go hard after it

Whatever it is

That one thing

Learn that lesson

Lose that weight

That one thing

For me
It has always been
To freely sing
But I am learning how
And I will now
Do that one thing

Sometimes too big
Out of control
A cannon ring
Sometimes weak
Cracked and raw
Songs in a sling

I've given it up
I've gotten it back
It's a trick on string
I scream notes
I cry music
Give it wings

I go hard
To learn and be
God-help-me-ing
My voice is mine
I'll die for it
My life to bring

My poetry - my alter
I leave it here
I'm promising
To use my voice
No matter the cost
For truth-telling

Go hard after it

Whatever it is

That one thing

Follow that dreamscape

Or escape the dream

Do that one thing

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

Brave Enough to Share

Workin' that work and sharing my Saturday Post! Enjoy!

My friend told me today that she and her husband sat together and read one of my poems. She said they cried together in the reading. I told her I just wanted to tell the truth. That's why I write.

They even made a comment about My Violin of an Armpit. I am going to read it this evening.

I was interviewed by A Word With You Press for the Author Spotlight and I'd like to share that with you today.

My book launch party is in a few hours, and I'm so busy getting ready for it, I can't even be nervous about it. But those feelings will come. And I may write about them. Sometimes it hurts to tell what I'm seeing, doing, learning, or becoming. But that is the work. And I am humbled by the people who are brave enough to share their words with me. They inspire me to do more. So thank you all (song writers, poets, rappers, friends, etc.) for giving me the strength to tell my own story.

With words, song & prayer,
TiMo

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

AWWYP Author Spotlight- Tiffany Vakilian!!!

As part of our ongoing series interviewing writers , authors and poets in the AWwYP stable, we’d like to highlight Tiffany Vakilian. Read on about her practice of writing (and singing) and about what grounds finding your voice.

You can read my interview HERE

With words, song & prayer,
TiMo

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

Tiffany Vakilian Joins BookDaily.com

Vista, CA August 18, 2015  BookDaily.com is pleased to announce that Tiffany Vakilian will be featured on the popular book sampling site – joining the ranks of the most famous authors in the world.

As a featured author, the first poems of Vakilian's books are now available to thousands of readers to sample – free of charge. At BookDaily, book fans can browse, search and read first chapters from a selection of more than 80,000 titles.

Vakilian is currently promoting Ugly Drawers, Pretty Panties a Black American book of Poetry published by A Word With You Press. Visit Vakilian’s website at www.tiffanyvakilian.com and their BookDaily page as well http://www.bookdaily.com/author/2389716/tiffany-vakilian.

Like many other authors, Vakilian is making use of the quick and easy tools BookDaily offers for writers to market their books.

Launched in May 2009, BookDaily has rapidly become the leading source of book samples by email. More than 10 million sample chapters have been distributed through BookDaily.com and through the site’s email subscriptions.  The site is a division of ArcaMax Publishing, the leader in consumer news and entertainment by email.

***   ***   ***

For information about A Word With You Press, please contact 760-500-5409. For media inquiries, please contact A Word With You Press at Thorn@AWordWithYouPress.com.

8-29-15 Book Launch Press Release

In lieu of Saturday post - here is the Press Release from the AWwYP (my publisher's) Website

‪#‎UDPPbook‬ ‪#‎booklaunchparty‬ ‪#‎workthatwork‬ ‪#‎HVP‬ ‪#‎AWordWithYouPress

The pun comes with the territory...

Dear Friends,

If you are anywhere in SoCal please join us Saturday, August 29th with our sponsor Highlight Video Productions, at 2575 Foothill Drive in Vista to help us celebrate the launch of Ugly Drawers, Pretty Panties, our darling Tiffany Vakilian’s first publication with us at the Towers that shine A Word with You Press flags.

This event will be a great chance to meet the author and kindred spirits, and to network with writing, media, publishing, and other professionals. It’ll also serve as a reunion of sorts for all North County writers, in particular the Meet-Up group Anti-Social Writers and Creative Misfits, of which Tiffany and I are members. She handed me the fiddle when the Oceanside towers burned.

(but it does make a good story. But definitely not a lire!) 

We expect more people than there are inappropriate puns at the Towers, so be sure to bring a lawn chair. Come enjoy a little live music and the camaraderie of fellow writers, artists, and friends. Tiffany will give a brief reading at sunset, and be on hand to sign copies of her book.

50% of the proceeds from her book launch sales that night will be donated to the Transformative Language Arts Network, promoting the use of spoken, written, sung, or embodied words to facilitate social change. And you get a woman’s ugly drawers and pretty panties to put under your pillow or sell on eBay.

In a perfect world, I would be flying in from Moscow for the event, but I’m on extended time out for bad behavior and locked in the Tower! But I will be there virtually, as will folks all over the orb.

AND we will announce the prize winner to our Beneath the Surface contest before the day is done. I do hope to see you and promise to be on my best misbehavior!

Fifteen bucks gets you a beer, a book and a burger.

With LOVE from the land of the double-entundra,His Moi-ness,The Thorntonator-in-chief​, thornificent, as ever

Wife of the Skies

Happy National Poetry Month! Here is your Saturday Post!

Who is the wife of the skies
The clouds
The wind
What is her favorite color
Blood moon red
Morning cloud pink
Does she sit down to coffee
with her friend lightning
that sparkly sista
as if one had a clue how to
handle my lightning self
Is she jealous
Grabby
Codependent
Or is she cavalier
How does she make love
Storms
Seas
What is her favorite perfume
Orange blossoms
Jasmine
I wonder if I know her somehow

With words, song & prayer,
TiMo

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

October Time Capsule Update

Hey y'all! Here's your Saturday post!

Remember how I said, "...check back with me in January 2015 and I'll be done with at least one of these things", and then I made a list of them:

1. Mylu
2. Family Play - Title TBA
3. Workshop syllabus and invitees for Spring 2015
4. Something Musical - recorded


That was the plan. I even started on them, like I said I would. I was supposed to check back in January and one of them was supposed to be DONE.

Ummmmm.... 

 I've not completed ONE THING on that list. I would have loved for it to be Mylu, but she's currently a pile of broken bones healing through the song within her as she lets it out.

As she is, so am I.

Healing hurts something fierce sometimes, but I like the pain of healing far better than the pain of sickness. I went through a trial, and am coming out on the other side with writing followed by singing as my impetus to engage this part of the story (this part of that experience anyway).

But I did finish my book of poetry. I planned to publish in February, but February had other plans. So we shall see when it comes out and go from there. It's in post-production getting ready for a nice quiet launch into the universe... something understated, like Cape Canaveral in true late bloomer style.


"So many things are this way. Like LIFE."

With words, song and prayer,
TiMo

Just checking in...

Here's the latest update on the time capsule-

Book is in process and progress. I'm excited about it. the work, but I have home life to think about and it makes for some interesting workarounds. It is beautifully silent in the grass green field of my mind. I've even had time to write letters that I put off for months after the wedding and home making.

I have been storing up energy and inspiration and I feel good about what's coming. The next project is the workshop, and I have at least a third of the class filled. I haven't touched the play I'd planned on, and the book gets a little time here and there, but the brunt of my creative energy is in the chapbook, and at the rate I'm going it'll be done next month. I'd like to thank A Word With You Press for their input and some key characters for their editing skills and feedback.

Just got a new project, so I best get to it, but HAppY NeW YeAr!!!

With words, song and prayer,
TiMo
Here's where you can read me
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Saturday Post 4.12.14

Inspired by the Image

© Moneta Sleet, 1969

While reviewing Hidden Treasures: A Collection of African American Facts on Examiner, I took to looking at this photo. I've been that mother, and I've been that little girl too. It is so powerful, being held. It is also truly powerful being the holder. The seasons change and from one moment to the next you become one and then the other. At one time giving the power to the one in need, and then receiving the power so needed. I love this representation for time in American history, but also as the photo of a mother holding a daughter, while simultaneously holding herself. Is that the heart of a mother? The heart of a woman? The heart of a human?

I find the duality once again PINGS me to Pme/Qme (the performer and the quiet one). The points of spectrum once again make me glad I learned of my own spectrum of authenticity and balance. I miss dual-expression workshops. Now I have the time to do them. Will I? Is it time to hold or time to be held?

With words, song & prayer, TiMo
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Onward Looking

© Tiffany Monique February 2014

Saturday Post 3.15.14

My Friends
I am blessed with a wonderful circle of friends.
Some closer than others.
Some more artistic.
Some speak into my soul.
Some speak into my workplace.
Some speak by not speaking.
For example
Sarah reminds me artistically, intellectually, and spiritually to be myself and push my own boundaries.

Sarah: "You may forget it sometimes, and that's okay, but you are in a womb of love, care, and concern of which you cannot measure the height, width, or depth. It is also living. It moves, breathes, and flows with you. It is here for your protection, for your comfort, and to help nourish you as you grow and develop. I am humbled that I get to be a small piece of it. I am also proud. In the short eternity I have known you, I have watched you love and fight. I have watched you win and lose. I have watched you sing and dance. All of that, it was you spinning a cocoon, and making that change. You were beautiful and strong before, but when you emerge, when you see the dragonfly you have become, you are going to be so splendid you will barely recognize yourself any more. All of those things that tripped you up before, when you were living life on the ground, they ain't gonna matter no more, because baby you is gonna have wings, and you is gonna soar!"
Another example
Deborah is one of those friends I lost touch with for almost a decade, and when we got back together, we cracked up laughing like it was lunch the next day. I commissioned a painting from her, and she completed and delivered it seven years later. The story of our friendship is as magical as the creation of the painting, and I even wrote about it in The Examiner.

Read the story of "The Seven Year Painting" on Examiner

These are just TWO.
I'm so blessed by the friends I have.
They post notes on my life journey.
Some with their presence
Some with their story
I am weighed down and given wings
By their love

With words, song & prayer, TiMo
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Onward Looking - February 2014

Saturday Post 2.22.14

Sorry, no poetry or prose today. I'm distracted a bit.

I'm thinking about divas.

Read my article in the San Diego Examiner

I used to call my female friends diva (or goddess) a lot.

In 2011 my pastor in VA decided he didn't want any more to do with the word diva. I was annoyed with him at the time, but now I am beginning to see the wisdom of the slippery slope that the word is on, and his decision to step back from the slope.

I wrote about it in San Diego's Urban Arts Examiner. There are so many great singers out there, but not nearly the amount of diva's the industry in America is trying to portray.

What do you think?

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Onward Looking
Feb 2014

Saturday Post 1.25.14

Good morning, I Don't Want to Write

I have writing to complete

I really do

My character has been nagging me

Saying "we don't hang out 

Like we used to"

She says, "You're avoiding me"
I have

"You've been avoiding me"
I have

"Forgetting to set time for me"
There were good reasons
Life for one

She says, "my buttbone is still on fire"

Because that is the last scene I completed
And she is still sitting there

She would very much like to 

Fight

Or pass out

Or stand up

Or something

Anything to move forward

She is insistent

Almost rude

"Write me out of here!"

She says

"Let me breathe!"

She says

"Only you can save me!"

She says

But I don't want to write

I don't

I'm busy

I'm sleepy

I'm out of my rhythm

And secretly

I don't want to let her go

I don't want to share her

I don't want her to go to school

Where I can't protect her
From the others

"Please"

She says

"I'm dying of boredom and Yna needs to go down!"

She cajoles

I laugh

I acquiesce

I sigh

Ok I say

I'll write today

But I'm not so sure about tomorrow

"Today is all there is, so good morning"

She says

"And you can reward yourself after
A paragraph
A page

Feel smug

Secretly accomplished

Only

Please write!"

She says
And I know

I will write today

Despite the fact that

I don't want to

I dedicate this to the writers who have school papers, stories, reviews, essays, poetry, or WHATEVER they need to do that involves that "thing" that calls to you in sleep, asking for interaction because they have something wonderful to give you, the writer, simply for stopping by and spending time with them. Get up, go to that door and walk through. I commend you for doing so, especially when you don't want to.

With words, song & prayer, TiMo
Here's where you can read me:
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

For Peggy - A Write of Passage

My first interaction with Peggy Dobbs was this comment:

Peggy's 1st Comment (May 2013)

She became my Facebook friend, and true to her word, commented on my stuff (Jaded and Abbey Normal and the Fool - either directly or on the book of Face) before she left this earthly realm in June.

A Word With You Press felt her absence so acutely that fearless leader Thornton Sully immortalized her via The (First) Annual Peggy Dobbs Write-of-Passage contest... 750-1000 words in an original piece of fiction or nonfiction that must contain the words, “I swear, it’s not too late.”

I wanted to do something really special for Peggy. So I wrote Shakespeare... ish. 

For Peggy Dobbs.
Click to read "But Biding, I Live Beyond My Own Love"
© Tiffany Monique 2013

He's timeless, as she is timeless. I hope she would like it. I hope you do to.

With words, song & prayer,

TiMo
Here's where you can read me:
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Yours Truly, Summer 2011
© Tiffany Monique

Here's the fine print for the contest:

Submit up to THREE entries. Each entry must include the author’s name and email address (which we will not share except with Edward Snowden). Entries should be sent to thorn@awordwithyoupress.com. Entries should be submitted as a Word .doc attachment, double spaced and in twelve point Times-New Roman font. For those who have submitted an entry to previous contests there is no fee. For all others there is a fee of $10 per entry by Paypal (also submitted to thorn@awordwithyoupress.com). 

However, once you have entered three of our contests you will be considered part of the family and there will be no additional fees to enter, except in extraordinary circumstances, such as a highly monetized prize.

Balboa Park with Jeff Mudgett

Jeff Mudgett is a down to earth guy, despite having written a genuinely creepy book about his family -- the person of note his great great grandfather.

Imagine waking up one otherwise normal day to be told you are the direct descendant of the Doctor of Death and the Prince of Darkness. That Herman Webster Mudgett, aka H.H. Holmes, America’s first serial killer and most prolific mass murderer, the very embodiment of evil, the devil personified, is your Great-Great Grandfather.

-From Jeff Mudgett's website .http://bloodstainsthebook.com

(c) 2013 - Tiffany Monique
Despite this image, Jeff smiles a LOT... look at him playing with a blade of grass...

"It's all about choices", he said. "I'm here talking to you today because of the choices [H. H. Holmes] made." Jeff's nature was so easygoing, I had no problem getting comfortable. He withheld nothing, but his candor was not heavy. "I came from the worst... the outer limits of what the human species is capable of..." Jeff suffered physically, mentally and emotionally as he wrote. Despite all this, he put ink to paper to remember, research, write and rewrite. He chose to share it with the world. Upon completion of this book, he said all his physical suffering ended. As he spoke that morning, he smiled a lot, and gently gestured with his hands in a slow dance of peace and calm, despite the subject matter.

(c) 2013 - Tiffany Monique

And he wasn't scared, nor was he scary. He just sat there tellin' the truth about himself, his writing, his biggest mistakes, good advice, etc. with his calm air and smiling eyes. According to Jeff, where marketing is concerned:

• Facebook is your friend (His book turned movie deal, came about via Facebook)
• If people love (or hate) your story, that is a good thing
• No matter what, have your book professionally edited (and formatted for that matter).
• You're first chapter has to be HUGE

And while he disagreed with the idea of selling e-books for 99 cents to get higher in the lists, one of my favorite bits of advice from Jeff was, "Have confidence in your writing... in your story".

That and, "You can't sign an e-book".

(c) 2013 - Tiffany Monique

He signed my paper book though, with the proviso that I finish and publish my own book so I could sign it for him in return.

(c) 2013 - Tiffany Monique

Stay Tuned,
TiMo
Here's where you can read me:
www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 
www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

Yours Truly, Summer 2011

I'm inviting Tyler Perry to "Dinner at Tiffany's"

I'm inviting Tyler Perry to Dinner at Tiffany's.

Image subject to copyright

Because of this prayer (posted on Facebook earlier today):

Here’s a prayer for today: “God help me hold on, help me to get to what I dream of, help me to honor where I am today so that I can appreciate where I will be tomorrow. In Jesus' name.”

Man, that is such an awesome prayer for me to read as I am stepping out into my artistic entrepreneurship. The above prayer came at the end of a post he entitled, "This is for Frustrated Dreamers". I have friends who will totally love that post, and some who will give it little if any weight. This is fine. It was highly inspirational for me when I read it. Perry related his feelings about his past; of hating to go to work and being emotionally and physically destitute because he was in a place where he knew his dreams were real but they weren't physically in his face. I appreciated his honesty and his perseverance.

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Anyone who knows me knows that I am a dreamer (almost to a fault... almost). Some of my dreams are quite obvious, and some are so huge (yet personal) that I have only told a few people. I've told two or three people a couple of my dreams, and they did laugh. But it may have been my outfit. If you are wondering, my dreams no longer have anything to do with the ice capades.

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The point is this. If I could, I would invite Tyler Perry to Dinner at Tiffany's. I'd have him join me in O'side, CA at A Word With You Press (lovingly shortened to AWwYP) for one of the Anti-Social Writers and Creative Misfits Read & Respond Session (preceded by foodage most yum, cooked by moi).

I'd sit him down next to Russ and Michele, and feed him something with a lot of garlic (we love garlic at AWwYP). Perhaps I'd make steamed shrimp and blacked asparagus, (Akesha would be there with yet another of his most amazing salad concoctions) and I'd even consider concocting a dump cake (so named because it is simple & AWESOME).

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It would be my hope that my favorite misfits and smart alecs would all be in attendance. It would make for the most hilarious yet productive night. Ed would read some random flash fiction about ham and ugly skirts. Then Kyle would take us on an emotive safari to the cold Canada climate as she read her next installment. Russ and Thorn would be well stocked and steadily firing their writing advice as Mr. Perry would sit there comfortably, adding his own insight while laughing hysterically at our jokes (we are a pun-riddled group the likes of which can only be compared to Bob Hope).

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Billy would then read a poem that would make all of our minds feel saturated with descriptive prose. Perhaps someone new would come, and drop tendrils of literary tresses in the air. Ronnie would remind us to keep the story moving and not get lost in the prose (I love this about Ronnie). And at the end of the evening, Tyler Perry would help us rearrange tables before taking the time shake hands and hug those present. He may take a Tupperware bowl with him (if any food is left) as his limo picked him up to whisk him off to whereever.

Or...I wouldn't cook. All I gotta do is dream.

Yours Truly, Summer 2011

With words, song & love,

TiMo

Here's where you can read me:

www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 

www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

P.S. It's not too late to submit for the Wingnuts Contest Entry. Deadline is 6/10/13! If you want, you can read my first submission here.

Dedicated to A Word With You Press

Last night I was having the time of my life-ish.

Without reading one word of my own; while simply being my normal outrageous self - I was said to be part of an axis of evil (in a "term of endearment" kinda way... I know, right?), and that I should have my own talk-show with my Tiffanyzed Dr. Phil flare called "Dinner at Tiffany's". I read two pages of a new author's coffee shop book that made me feel wonderfully emotive. I ate salad that made me flip out. I read Shakespeare, and gave literary responses to poetry from a beautifully-in-love Slovak woman that started the whole "Dinner at Tiffany's" commentary. I bucked up and asked to submit dual-expression to a larger audience, and wasn't rejected. I coveted a steampunk light-ray. I free-styled for a new friend to his "griot tracks", and I listened to two beautiful songs, the more beautiful one being about Frankenstein.

(c) 2000 Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

It was a crazy four hours.

The reason I joined this group initially was to get out of my writing comfort zone.

I have admittedly grown to love this group of people (in a pretty initial, rather shallow way to be sure). We listen to or read each other's work and comment with constructive criticisms. We don't pull punches, but we aren't jerks (mostly). And when something is good, we say so, even as we offer opinions on how to tighten loose screws and oil gears that need it.

We are writers. We want to improve. Our group does all kinds of things, not the least of which includes Dime Stories submissions, A Word With You Press Writing Contests, and of course our Anti-Social Writers and Creative Misfits weekly writing club (the basic rules of which you are about to read -personal highlights in bold):

GATHER TIME: 615PM. ( The plan is to give folks time eat food and drink drinks, anti-socially chat a bit. AND THE REAL WORK STARTS PROMPTLY AT 7PM. )

-- EVERY GAME HAS RULES--SO PLAY NICE:

-We a convivial group & serious writers (many of us have been published in various forms). Please bring up to 5 pages each session of your novel, memoir, short story, screen play. And be prepared to listen closely and critique others' work, intelligently and respectfully.

-We do have fun and then clear the desks and work hard. Please come only if you are willing to both read and critique others' work.

-IT IS OK TO "JUST SHOW UP, MAGICALLY APPEAR!" But it is better to RSVP so others attending will know how many copies of their work to bring.

-READERS 'n RESPONDERS WELCOME! Those who love to write and have a story to tell will love this meetup! Come prepared to read your work (5 pages) and have the schmartest, most insightful, and useful responses to offer on your fellow writer's work. So if this sounds like you--come be our Hero! ;-)

-If you cannot make a meeting and have RSVP'd YES, please change your RSVP to NO, as there may be people on the Waiting List who can use your seat at the table!

-Please try to bring enough copies of your work for all members who have RSVP'd YES.

-You can submit as long a piece by email as you want. And those who receive it can read as much or as little as they want. But at the meeting, the number of pages each person can read is determined by the number of folks who show up, divided by available time, square by the orbit of Uranus, allowing for solar drag, of course.( We tend to average 5 typewritten double-spaced 12 pt Times New Roman pages per participant...)

Double-spaced, size twelve Times New Roman font on tap.

Image subject to copyright

I've heard some amazing stories, some beautiful poetry, and some offensive commentary. It's all in there. I wanted to take this moment to say THANK YOU to some of the people like Thorn, Russ, Ed, Kyle, Michele, Billy, Ronnie, Akesha, (the really tall poet guy who's name escapes me), etc. who reminded me that I write because...(that's another blog post). You guys inspire me to TELL THE STORY.

By definition, this post is breaking the rules. How funny would it be to read it at next week's session to hear that very thing?

I think I will. Stay tuned!


With words, song & love,
TiMo

By the way, I'm working on my Dual-Expression workshops (which started me on the path to even think about joining this group). Thorn Sully (oh captain my captain of A Word With You Press) and I are currently discussing how best to share our love of words and wordsmithing with the known world (and perhaps parts unknown...). Again I say, stay tuned.

Here's where you can read me:

www.alwaysalreadyalright.blogspot.com 

www.pmeqme.blogspot.com

2008... A Testimony Vignette

I cleaned up my computer and found this old video clip. This is from July of 2008. Only roughly four years ago... so far back, and yet, right on time with where I am mentally. Well, in a way. On that steamy day in Baltimore, I went to Artscape. I wasn't there to walk around and sweat (though I did do that). I performed on the Mainstage with Mia Miata as a member of Alpha Rhythm, a local group. I gave supporting vocals to Mia Miata as she sang originals from her first release Mia Miata's Urban Arias. As it is now 2012, my perspective of what was going on really has shifted (DUH!). My Uncle Jellybean (yes, I call him that) came to see me sing, but I have to say that this is one of my favorite clips. There are others. I uploaded one to YouTube to show off a brief solo. I am grateful that my uncle showed up, let alone recorded anything. I made sure I got him a backstage pass so he could come see and shoot away with his camera. There was also a professional photographer there (which became its OWN chapter of my life -- read on). As we sat in the back room waiting to go on, I remember the photographer took a lot of photos (as did my Uncle). What I remember most was that I had a breath-stealing crush on that photographer. Not only was he attractive to me, he was talented as a photographer, and he knew how to talk without sounding like an idiot. I wanted to get to know him better. In true Tiffany style, I asked him about his prices for photography, and he said he was building his portfolio so maybe we could work something out. I made plans to go over to his studio that weekend. We dated after that photo shoot for about a month, but I practically stalked him for about four because I thought he and I were meant to be. I forgave him for 'breaking my heart' after I finally got the message that we weren't meant, but I have to take this moment and tell the truth. Everything that happened was caused by my own myopia. I didn't want to see anything outside of what I wanted. I wanted that man. Period. Now this man is not a bad man. But I have to admit to myself that I derailed myself artistically trying to be and have what I thought I wanted. I could have gone with Mia Miata to a performance in Pennsylvania the night of the photo shoot, but I canceled with her at the last minute, just as the photos began. By the time the night was over, the photographer and I were taking photos together, one of which is a personal favorite. We just clicked somehow. I was a model. I was a coach. I was a guest in his house. I stayed way longer than I should have. I drank glass after glass of wine trying to impress him with my... who knows what. Some day I am going to have to go through the arduous and embarrassing process of finding any and all photos that may be online. Some of those photos were quite beautiful, and some were suggestive to the point of crass. I was proud of my sensuality, but I had no clue what it was I was doing. I grossly misrepresented who I was, and I now wonder if I was sexually trafficking myself to people who didn't even know they were buyers. I have been humbled by this memory, and the turning point I now realize it turned out to be in my life -- to God be the glory for all that He has done in changing and teaching me who *I* am. Still, I have to own the consequences of my choices. I am not ashamed of the past, but I am not about trying to act as if I don't have one. Ruslan of theBREAX has an awesome lyric that says: Learn from it Turn from it I know it's permanent I just don't wanna burn from it It makes me think of Crystal Lewis' song, "What A Fool I've Been". The woman I am now is vastly different from the woman I was then, and yet we share the same skin. We feel the same cramps, and are annoyed by the same stiff joints after a long walk. And now I am going to try and pay it forward. I don't want anyone to go down that wrong road. If I keep a young lady from hurting herself pretending to be what someone told her she was, then I don't mind being a "don't let this happen to you".   @--}--}--- I'd like to thank Ann Harding and Keke and David Buche for making this post possible, and for helping me laugh through hard lessons. Thank you for being such good Godly friends.

Click here to read my review in SD Examiner

Pme, Qme, and The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial

First SD Examiner article of 2012. Read it here!

VA Earthquake

Here is my checkin. I also published one on DC Examiner.

I am fine.

I was in a basement at the time thinking, I know what the ground is supposed to feel like so either that is a huge, long, truck, or we are definitely having an earthquake. I went outside and danced with the ground. Nothing was broken, or even really bothered where I live or work.

The 5.8 earthquake epicenter was just outside of Richmond, VA. Washington Monument has cracks at the top (so there has been damage in the area). The Nuclear Power Plants near the area of the epicenter have both been shut down. It makes me homesick for Cali, and yet, I feel badly for the people who are really freaked out and suffering. I submitted information to the USGS (US Geological Survey) Did You Feel It? link.

Everyone I wondered about immediately flooded Facebook with checkins and commentary, so it made me appreciate the technology trap for a few moments.

I am requesting prayers (Culpepper County, VA has declared a state of emergency).

Hurricane Irene is coming through this area over the coming weekend, and according to the WX-Men, Irene could become a major hurricane in the next few days (she's a category 2 now). The Martin Luther King Memorial dedication (scheduled for Sunday) may be postponed due to the weather that may be coming.

Please prepare as best you can for what is coming.

Ok, that is a life statement, not just a weather statement.