2010... a brief review with some 2011 dreamseedlings...

I must admit, I don't make resolutions for the new year. I decide when I decide, and that is when I start (or stop) doing something. This year, I decided to start writing in a blog. This year I decided to start Graduate School. This year I decided to drink more water (that was more like this month). Instead of making a bunch of out-of-my-mind promises for 2011, I am going to take this moment to reflect on 2010, and the people, places, and things that I have just brought into my life, or taken for granted would always be there.

• In 2010 more than any time in my life, I really started to understand that I serve God because *I* love God, not because someone told me to. I am not perfect, and I am SO glad that that is not my job. I will change and improve myself, and I will not pretend like I am not Christian for the people it makes uncomfortable. I want to get deeper in.
• I left a job I didn't like for a job that I love, and the hardest part was letting go of "them" for what I wanted. Around the same time, I started Graduate School, thinking that there was no reason for me to wait, and that I would walk into my artistic nature and stop disrespecting it for the sake of "them". A girlfriend of mine told me in 2009 "do you", and I think in 2010 I really started to understand what she meant, and walk in it.
• I truly started to walk in my calling as a writer. And I have started writing ad copy, restaurant reviews, this blog, poetry, one woman shows, the book revision... one of my writings 30 Day$ was one of the hardest things I have ever written, and even though I have only let a few people read it, it was a big release for me, and I am better for it.
• In a singing performance, I was called a Psalmist. I want to realize more of this in 2011. I played Mary Wells in The Motown Journey (and with the help of my friends in the cast, I kept from going on stage and doing unwanted reveals to flash photography). I want to do more acting in 2011, not only of Theater Ensemble work, but of my one-woman shows as well, and I want to sing more, record my originals more, just produce more of my own work. I have the feeling that I am going to start drawing in 2011, because in 2010, I really started feeling in my hands the desire to draw some of the things I see (this has started in some of my photographs). I have many stories I want to tell, my own and others.
• Some of my friends have gone through a lot this year, and all I could do was pray for them, and send them letters or emails or calls or share food or whatever. A couple of the close women friends in my life have had to fight for their children. One by holding on, and one by letting go, have helped me to not take for granted the sacred calling of marriage and motherhood.
• I had some serious moments in 2010, and I realized that blood or not, the people in your life that God has blessed you with need to know that they are loved, and prayed for, and thought of, because you need it too. I have the most awesome cast of characters in my family. Newborns with dimples, future teachers (HI MOM), Scratch N' Riff (with my favorite songs, Let Go, and Dreamcatcher (Higher), World missionaries, E-traders, Performers, etc. That is just what they do, not even who they are (or what they are to me). Sometimes it's a hot bath, sometimes it's a little bit of their absence, but I am just blessed by the people in my life.I reconnected with some people in my Santa Barbara years, and seriously I was blown away. I didn't know I was loved that much. I still have no words to describe how that has affected me.

I could really go on this list for days and days (as you can see), but I have just been humbled by the strength of the people that I have met in 2010, and the people that have continued on my life path with me from previous years. When I look around the walls of my life, I have to laugh and cry and feel content, because there is no one else who could be me, and I am glad that I am.

So... I wonder what 2011 is going to bring? Care to join me?

Mental key turning part 2- Brave Your Mental Attic

“Lay in bed, wondering about the madness three steps down in your mind, and yet, know that there is greatness in there, if only you are brave enough to take the first three steps.” -Tiffany Monique

There are so many things that open artistic eyes and help open the world changing doors of artistic voice. Closed doors. Jasmine. Let’s start with this word-bridge to facilitate the next Mental Key Turn, “Braving Your Mental Attic”.

In my love of words and their power, I am beginning to believe that we are all Transformative Language Artists. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue...my heart is the pen of a ready writer..."

Check out my DC Examiner Articles about Mental Key Turning for Transformative Language Artists- by my evolving definition of TLA, this now includes the world entire.

Hallelujah! A Christmas Aural Acoustic (sort of)

I appreciate the following YouTube link for it's John Cage's-ness, Aural Acoustic-ness, and the fact that Handel wrote this full work in 24 days (he was, perhaps, on a caffeine high- he did love the stuff). It is moments like this that remind me of the inner beauty and potential of the people you find invisible because they are sitting right next to you.

It has been a while since I've been to a Food Court in a mall. As a matter of fact, that last time I was in a food court, I saw a girl wearing a spandex skirt six inches away from the bottom of her not-that-small, not-that-smooth, behind... and a thong- MY EYES!

I digress...

So here it is... please enjoy... Simply click the image below, and sing along if you know the piece (aaaahh OHS choir days- yes, I still remember the soprano part).

This flash mob you are about to see was organized by http://www.AlphabetPhotography.com to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!
Special thanks to Robert Cooper and Chorus Niagara, The Welland Seaway Mall, and Fagan Media Group.

1999 Letter to Myself

I came across this letter as I was transferring files. The things I wrote then are like a lighthouse to me now. I can't explain it better than that, so I thought I would show it, and put it out there so that in the next decade the conversation I have with myself is more in tune.

May 6. 1999     Re: Letter of Introduction     To Whom It May Concern,

My name is Tiffany... 

This is an introduction to the person I am, including bits of my background and upbringing.   I am completely in tune with the person I am, and the person I am destined to be.  This is just a general overview of the multi-faceted person that I am. 

     Was I? I don't remember that. I can't see her clearly at this point. But now that I think about it, I was in tune with myself. I was just not conscious of it. When I started "thinking about it", that is when I got out of tune with me...

Sometimes, I feel as a gust of wind; gently, and lovingly disrupting the stillness around me. Sometimes I blow softly with a hint of mischief, and sometimes I am an unstoppable force, afraid of my own power. How much has this changed? I am more powerful now that ever and...  I have always divided my energies between writing or singing.  These were the things I did to keep myself from losing my mind when I felt the world revolving in the wrong direction.  I use my love of expression to survive in this confusing world. Still do!

My mother thought I was gifted, and told me that was why I thought school was boring. My boring opinion of the school curriculum was not altered as I was pushed through the system.  When I wasn't running amok, I was winning awards and singing.  The students thought I was weird, the teachers thought I was possessed, and I never cared.  My family always said that if they could afford to, they would send me to private school.  Unfortunately, they never could.  Mom had two jobs most of the time, just so that my three brothers and I could have more. More? Or just enough?  When I wasn't at school, church, work, or off on a function, I was writing. I stopped doing this. I wonder why (have ideas)...

When I wrote, I used to sing to myself, as the poetry became my mantras for strength and self-growth.  It led me to make one of the biggest decisions in my life.  1. Did I sing to, with, or for myself? 2. I think this is germination of an Aural Acoustic. The snowball began rolling in the spring of 1996.  I decided within the first week of school at Mira Costa College that whatever I was going to do with my life, it had to be centered on music and performance.  I owe myself SUCH an apology! I remember thinking about what fun it would be when I would be able to write beautiful music, the music that would one day rival Beethoven and Mozart. I admire these composers, but no longer wish to write that way musically.

I am a part of the Mira Costa College Chamber Chorale, and I have performed various vocal solos.  I am in the Mira Costa Commercial Arts Ensemble, where I have received standing ovations for my performances of original songs. This happens still, but I am not proud of it anymore. Not like this lady does. SHE IS ME! The money may not be as abundant as I would like, but I am going to further my education, and achieve all of my goals.  I have two jobs right now, and also have a full-time class schedule, but I am not going to let the heavy workload stop me.  I slipped down this slope in the past 10+ years, making money and security my drive. Yuk. Y'all can have that back. I am going to hold on to what I dream and work as hard as I can to reach my goals. I think I let go of it in 2005. But I am closing my hands around it again, and I can feel it burning my fingers and palms.

I have resigned myself to let my life be as a strong gust of wind.  I will carry on into the lives of future generations, and affect the way that they live by loving them with the winds of my life.

Reading through this was such an eye opener. Where did this diva go? I mean, I LOVE the woman in my skin now, but the woman writing in teal is also in my skin, and I need to wake her up. I need to make room for her. She has a BIG voice, and can't be small about it. I am her. I am honored to be her. To be me. I am honored to be me. THANK GOD I AM ME. Sounds so different in 2010, but blessed be me. I am brave enough to let it be known then and now.

Photo by yours truly
"See the beautiful thing behind the pretty wall..."