Sunday, December 26, 2010

2010... a brief review with some 2011 dreamseedlings...

I must admit, I don't make resolutions for the new year. I decide when I decide, and that is when I start (or stop) doing something. This year, I decided to start writing in a blog. This year I decided to start Graduate School. This year I decided to drink more water (that was more like this month). Instead of making a bunch of out-of-my-mind promises for 2011, I am going to take this moment to reflect on 2010, and the people, places, and things that I have just brought into my life, or taken for granted would always be there.
  • In 2010 more than any time in my life, I really started to understand that I serve God because *I* love God, not because someone told me to. I am not perfect, and I am SO glad that that is not my job. I will change and improve myself, and I will not pretend like I am not Christian for the people it makes uncomfortable. I want to get deeper in.
  • I left a job I didn't like for a job that I love, and the hardest part was letting go of "them" for what I wanted. Around the same time, I started Graduate School, thinking that there was no reason for me to wait, and that I would walk into my artistic nature and stop disrespecting it for the sake of "them". A girlfriend of mine told me in 2009 "do you", and I think in 2010 I really started to understand what she meant, and walk in it.
  • I truly started to walk in my calling as a writer. And I have started writing ad copy, restaurant reviews, this blog, poetry, one woman shows, the book revision... one of my writings 30 Day$ was one of the hardest things I have ever written, and even though I have only let a few people read it, it was a big release for me, and I am better for it.
  • In a singing performance, I was called a Psalmist. I want to realize more of this in 2011. I played Mary Wells in The Motown Journey (and with the help of my friends in the cast, I kept from going on stage and doing unwanted reveals to flash photography). I want to do more acting in 2011, not only of Theater Ensemble work, but of my one-woman shows as well, and I want to sing more, record my originals more, just produce more of my own work. I have the feeling that I am going to start drawing in 2011, because in 2010, I really started feeling in my hands the desire to draw some of the things I see (this has started in some of my photographs). I have many stories I want to tell, my own and others.
  • Some of my friends have gone through a lot this year, and all I could do was pray for them, and send them letters or emails or calls or share food or whatever. A couple of the close women friends in my life have had to fight for their children. One by holding on, and one by letting go, have helped me to not take for granted the sacred calling of marriage and motherhood.
  • I had some serious moments in 2010, and I realized that blood or not, the people in your life that God has blessed you with need to know that they are loved, and prayed for, and thought of, because you need it too. I have the most awesome cast of characters in my family. Newborns with dimples, future teachers (HI MOM), Scratch N' Riff (with my favorite songs, Let Go, and Dreamcatcher (Higher), World missionaries, E-traders, Performers, etc. That is just what they do, not even who they are (or what they are to me). Sometimes it's a hot bath, sometimes it's a little bit of their absence, but I am just blessed by the people in my life.I reconnected with some people in my Santa Barbara years, and seriously I was blown away. I didn't know I was loved that much. I still have no words to describe how that has affected me.
I could really go on this list for days and days (as you can see), but I have just been humbled by the strength of the people that I have met in 2010, and the people that have continued on my life path with me from previous years. When I look around the walls of my life, I have to laugh and cry and feel content, because there is no one else who could be me, and I am glad that I am.

So... I wonder what 2011 is going to bring? Care to join me?

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