I dreamt this week that I was surrounded by deep water, but my living situation was a high hill with many buildings (think Minas Tirith in the Pacific). My view was sometimes from under the water, and sometimes from a middle place looking down. Family and certain friends were there, and I was teaching. I'm not yet at an age when grandchildren run about my legs, but I feel like it is always going to come down to that balance of duality; not undecided, but with singularity of purpose.
This fountain in me seems full
Grace
Truth
Christian
Pharisee
Family
Business
Pme
Qme
This journey is me feels forked
Heaven
Hell
Acceptance
Rejection
Paul
Peter
Joy
Dejection
I seek purification within and without
Heart
Life
Maturity
Childishness
Wings
Weights
Love
Indifference
I run this race to win
Get up
Go on
Learn
Unlearn
Build up
Take down
Win
Burn
The natural tendency is to choose one side
But I have
Can't you see
Hidden
In plain sight
Complicated
Simplicity
My shadows
Prove a light
When I lived on the East Coast, I told my older brother I was vacillating between staying and moving back to CA. He told me, "once you make the decision you'll have peace". It took about a year before I moved back, but from the point of choice, both options worked toward my goal. I was so scared for so long that people would beat me down for saying out loud the things I say, as if it were about me. I've been told this week, "Do you have any idea how strong you are; and how intimidating that is?" Would it were not so.
I'm human; cuts hurt. I am a phoenix too; only in Christ. I've been given a "talent", and I am duty-bound NOT to bury it, but to make it bear fruit. I was told by a pastor in Virginia, "you have kingdoms in you..." and that is one of the things that have driven me to write poetry, stories, emails, blog posts, dreams... It makes room, like an overfull vessel being emptied (and the relief is sublime).
It is not about me, no matter how I benefit.
With words, song and prayer
TiMo V
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