I am Sorry

Five Days of Poetry - Day 4

I apologize

To the cult I left

I left

I am sorry

I learned so much

Swallowed so much

I was a good little girl

Until I vomited you out

I am so sorry

I was no martyr

I didn't save them

The ones who didn't want to leave

I didn't run rebel

Back into the building

I am sorry

I am still sad

Because so much of it was right

So much of it was beautiful

I long for the belonging of it

And I am sorry

I owe you so many apologies

For running away

To three blocks down the street

Where I had to trust God

And not the man behind the pulpit

I apologize

I AM sorry

For you

I never bowed to you

I never capitalized your calling

I would not worship you

I worship HIM

Is that my crime?

Is that why I feel guilt

I am sorry

And I still wonder

Do you point fingers

Mocking my church attendance

Or tally my taxable tithing

Or judge my outfit

Or my worship customs

Or my mistakes

The ones you hear about passively

When I share

With those still connected to you

I am sorry

That I'm still scared

Of your judgement

That you'll say

That's what you get

With your second-hand leader

I am sorry

For the taste of you

Still in my mouth

Daring me to face you

To call your name out loud

But saying in love

That it's not too late to change

To turn around

Hard as it may be

To go back to the first Love

Not the unholy trinity

Of me, myself and I

My car, my children, my blessings

My ministry

Some say it is a bus

And I jumped off

Ages ago

But I am sorry that I am NOT sorry

I left

And I am sorry 

That I am so happy to be gone

I am sorry

With words, song & prayer, TiMo