Thursday, April 9, 2015

I am Sorry

Five Days of Poetry - Day 4

I apologize
To the cult I left
I left
I am sorry
I learned so much
Swallowed so much
I was a good little girl
Until I vomited you out
I am so sorry
I was no martyr
I didn't save them
The ones who didn't want to leave
I didn't run rebel
Back into the building
I am sorry
I am still sad
Because so much of it was right
So much of it was beautiful
I long for the belonging of it
And I am sorry
I owe you so many apologies
For running away
To three blocks down the street
Where I had to trust God
And not the man behind the pulpit
I apologize
I AM sorry
For you
I never bowed to you
I never capitalized your calling
I would not worship you
I worship HIM
Is that my crime?
Is that why I feel guilt
I am sorry
And I still wonder
Do you point fingers
Mocking my church attendance
Or tally my taxable tithing
Or judge my outfit
Or my worship customs
Or my mistakes
The ones you hear about passively
When I share
With those still connected to you
I am sorry
That I'm still scared
Of your judgement
That you'll say
That's what you get
With your second-hand leader
I am sorry
For the taste of you
Still in my mouth
Daring me to face you
To call your name out loud
But saying in love
That it's not too late to change
To turn around
Hard as it may be
To go back to the first Love
Not the unholy trinity
Of me, myself and I
My car, my children, my blessings
My ministry
Some say it is a bus
And I jumped off
Ages ago
But I am sorry that I am NOT sorry
I left
And I am sorry 
That I am so happy to be gone
I am sorry

With words, song & prayer, TiMo

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